Blog

When my husband and I married 22 years ago, we had everyone in our lives. By saying we “had them”, I mean every family member lived happy and healthy lives. We still enjoyed all 8 of our grandparents, all 4 of our parents, our siblings, aunts uncles and cousins. Of course at the time we didn’t know how blessed we were to have family living and available to us, or what a blessing it was to be adults unaffected by the sting of death.

Now we have only 1 grandparent and two parents left on earth. After losing 7 grandparents and 2 parents, you might think we are accustomed to the way life works. That death is part of life, not a mystery but a fact. And part of that bares truth.

I am accepting of the fact that death is real and inevitable. My husband and I know the pain it brings, and know we can bare it if we have to. We also know what it takes to physically and emotionally pull off a funeral and burial.

But the mystery of death never fades.

I Get It But Don’t Get It

So much if it I still don’t understand. Why can’t all grandchildren see their grandparents to a ripe old age? Where do souls physically go and can they still see us on earth? Why are parts of death still creepy when I have been through loss several times? Why does grief make some people act so strangely?

I know why the world is afraid of death.

1. It hurts terribly.
2. The unknown equals the known, and the unknown is scary. So at least half of what is involved with death brings fear.
3. In a world that attempts to create equal opportunity, fairness has no place in death. “It’s not fair” can’t sway it.
4. The idea of your loved one just disappearing is hard to swallow. Where did they go?

How I Handle The Mysteries of Loss

I honestly dislike setting my readers up for a religious pitch. I hate for someone to be reading along and then suddenly say to themselves “Oh here we go. More attempts to push a spiritual agenda that doesn’t make sense.” Please just hear me out.

I will touch on the mysteries I just mentioned in the previous section.

The following is what keeps me going.

A. No one likes hurt. It results from something unpleasant. It pokes and festers. People who know God and people who don’t know God hurt the same. No one is immune. Those who know God however will know that living with it is possible. They know that joy exists on earth through God, and in heaven for eternity. This makes the pain tolerable in the beginning, and over takes the pain in the end.

B. Fear of the unknown also invades all humans, those who know God and those who don’t. The Bible, however, reassures us that we don’t have to fear because our good God is always with us. Even during events we don’t understand, like death. Cemeteries? God walks with you there. Evil spirits? God is the strongest Spirit, stronger than all evil. Darkness? The Bible says God has already overcome it.

C. Rarely does anyone agree that death is fair. Death seems wrong in all cases. Death is a result of sin, and no one truly wants to experience it. But no one gets a choice. It happens to everyone, young, old, religious, not religious. So in one way, death is fair in that it treats everyone the same. It takes every person. From an earthly perspective, a person who doesn’t know God could despise death for even existing, for ending a perfectly good life. A person who knows God, however, knows where he or she will go after death- to the side of goodness, at the side of God. This bypasses the idea of fairness, which we can’t control anyway.

D. I struggled with this one after my mom died. During the first week or two after her death, I felt this eerie presence/emptiness follow me. Where is my mom? Her physical presence lies deep in ground. Is that where she is? I know her being, her soul, her true person resides with God in heaven. Is that where she is? I know part of her will always reside in my head and heart. It that where she is? I couldn’t get a mental grasp on where she went.

Or maybe I just grieved her physical presence. Or maybe the presence I felt after her death was and is God, giving me extra strong sense that He has my back and gives me strength. Anyway, those who don’t know God won’t have ANY idea where a lost loved one went. The family member or friend who died just ceases to exist. Those who know God know they will have life eternal, a life of joy and goodness with the One who promised it.

Summary

Each of these mysterious topics I touch on could have pages and pages written about it individually. And I am sure that someone has written pages of evidence for and against each topic! I am not one of those people. Daily I struggle with each topic as much as the next person. I obviously don’t have concrete, specific, earthly answers for these mysteries in death. But I do know how to handle them.

My way of handling the mysteries is the same no matter what phase of life I am in. Just after my mom died 13 years ago, I remember being totally comfortable with death because I associated my mom with it. Nothing seemed scary or creepy, just comfortable because I was so comfortable with my mom. That comfort faded as the years went by. Death became awkward, confusing, and a little scary again. But my belief system remains the same.

I am just giving a brief overview of what I believe, of how I get through the loss of a loved one. Some mysteries of death I will never know while on this earth, but I do know the promises of God supersede those mysteries. The unknown doesn’t matter in the end when I am with God. And in the meantime I trust what God tells me in the Bible, and rest in the peace that passes all understanding.

More Posts Similar To This One

Losing An In-Law. An Initial Response

Glimpse Of Heaven

Lasts and Firsts. A Loved One Lost