I mention often how much I love this time of year.
I love the gradual greening up of grass and plants. The singing birds give me big smiles. Nurseries and greenhouses get my stomach fluttery. I even love the sight of make shift green houses in the parking lots of grocery stores and home improvement places.
But I also love this time of year because it brings reminders of mom.
Green Day
My mom passed away on March 17, St. Patty’s Day, in 2006. The first few years after that, the green paraphernalia that appears in stores in March made me angry. How could the world keep celebrating March 17 when it was the day that took my mom? Does society have no respect? Do they not care about those of us suffering loss?
But now when March brings out all the green stuff I smile. Society may celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, but the green hats, shirts, necklaces and whatever else only point to my mom in my mind.
I think of how many years I’ve lived without her now. Part of me wonders what she might look like as a healthy older woman (although I think I know). I remember that day in 2006 when she and the rest of us finally felt peace after years of battling cancer.
I bet St. Patrick never thought his day would point to someone else.
Meaningful Easter
Just a few short weeks after St. Patrick’s Day comes Easter, year after year. Easter makes me think of my mom not because she died just before it, but because of how much the holiday meant to her.
Easter is the day Christians celebrate eternal life. Jesus died, spent a couple days in the grave suffering death, and returned to life on the third day. Because He conquered death, whoever believes in Him may live eternally with Him after her life on earth ends.
My mom just couldn’t take lightly what Jesus did for us. Especially after her cancer returned a second time, knowing it would take her earthly life, she was so grateful for the chance to live in glory with her Savior. It made all her suffering, her pain, the fact that she wouldn’t see her grandkids grow, a little more bearable.
When someone you love values an idea, an event, a holiday that much, it becomes invaluable to you too. So aside from Jesus’ sacrifice, Easter will always bring intense feelings filled with my mom. I am thankful for her example of humility and compassion.
Stories Live On
This year more reminders of mom came into print, literally.
A few years ago, my friend Faith tells me about her relative Myrna who is a writer. Myrna wants to write a book about women who have lost their mothers. She wants to interview women and tell their stories. Faith asked me if I would like to talk to her writer relative and be part of her book.
-A Little Back Story
Not really knowing what all this would entail, I agree to talk to Myrna. After emailing and exchanging contact information, Myrna calls me one afternoon. She had previously given me questions to prepare me on what she would be asking. Feeling I have the material in my head she was looking for, I am not nervous or concerned. I have a few things written down on paper too.
But verbally telling the story of losing my mom takes more emotion than I anticipated. I start with her initial diagnosis, move on to her remission, then to her second diagnosis, then to her last days on earth. Nothing I haven’t gone over a million times in my head over the years. I have told others my story here and there. I have even written a journal telling of my mom’s last three weeks on earth. Everything is under control.
For some reason, however, during my chat with Myrna I lose it. The tears start to flow and I become a blubbering mess. I am surprised Myrna could understand what I was saying as I relate my story. She was taping our interview, so I can imagine she had to play my words over and over in order to decipher them. I haven’t said the words out loud for several years, so the pain of losing my mom comes flooding back. After we end the interview, I cry more on my own and feel like a zombie the rest of the day. The extreme tears come as a big surprise to me but Myrna wasn’t phased a bit.
-Back To: Another Spring Reminder of Mom
Anyway, Myrna published her book this spring. It is called Daughters Of Hope: Thriving After Mother Loss by Myrna Folkert. In it you can read my family’s story and the stories of many other motherless daughters. She says the publishing came a little sooner than planned, but she feels readers need a bright spot, some hope in the middle of this scary Corona pandemic.
The publishing falls in the midst of my spring mom memories, an addition to St. Patty’s Day, Easter and the new life Spring brings.
Thank you Myrna, for telling my story, my mom’s story, and the story of many other women who have experienced the pain and blessings of losing a beloved mother.
Spring Gets A Blue Ribbon
This is the title of one of my blog posts. But it applies here too. On top of just plain loving the flowers and green grass that spring brings, I love the reminders of mom it brings too. So many reasons why Spring is the best!
Now, if we could just get rid of the Corona virus, out of quarantine, and experience some nice warm weather, all our needs would be met. Right? I suppose that is a whole other blog topic.
Thank you Jodi! I thought you did a beautiful job telling your story about your mom. Blessings to you as you process your memories again this spring. Precious story here, the one you told me, and also the one you wrote in your book.