I have decided that if a person draws the short straw and finds a crisis in her life, she should get a pass from everything else going on around her. Because in a crisis, on top of the emotional strain, supporting others and grieving yourself comes the piece that can’t be avoided: normal life goes on.
You know what I mean by normal life- the everyday stuff that might include marriage, parenting and jobs. Trying to juggle emotions while keeping up with normal life makes a person feel stretched and weak. In the middle of a past crisis, I mentioned to a certain listener that I can’t handle it, that I don’t know what to do. What this person told me has changed my perspective in many circumstances. She said “You ARE doing it. You are living life the best that one can in tough circumstances. The fact that you feel weak and inadequate hardly means you are failing. You are doing your best while feeling low. And that makes you brave.”
Life On Hold? Hardly.
But it feels like the world should stop. Life should stand still indefinitely until this all consuming problem finds resolution. After all, concentration on anything else comes at a minimum. But fair or not, the rest of the life expects its daily attention. And a person tackling every day life on top of extreme hurt is a brave soul.
Bravery Found Reluctantly
I remember the day that my mom first revealed she had cancer. Actually my dad said the words and my mom sat quietly. At about 19 years old, my world suddenly made no sense and the future only brought fear. While trying to digest this information, I faced the fact that I had committed to attending a friend’s surprise birthday party that evening. I have known this friend my whole life but had not seen her for some time. Sure, I could have cancelled. But having to explain why I needed to cancel seemed far more emotional than just fulfilling my commitment to attend. So I painted on a smile and went to the party. Those few hours felt like the longest of my then short life. I felt like I was slowly drowning. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had actually dug deep and found bravery.
Another difficult night came in the form of my son’s kindergarten round up. Being my firstborn, this normally would have been the most exciting event of the spring in my eyes. The night came a few months before his kindergarten year, one where parents could tour the room, meet the teacher and ask questions. My oldest, a kindergartener! Unfortunately this night fell when my mom’s health suffered an all time low. She breathed sporadically and couldn’t respond to those around her. (I know now that she only had a few more days to live.) The last thing I wanted to do was leave her side. Yet I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and toured the kindergarten classroom- for my son, for the teacher, for my husband and for me. Bravery.
Then there were the days following my mom’s funeral, when my world should be returning to normal but I felt anything but normal. With two young kids in tow, I returned to the preschool volunteering, the church responsibilities and the MOPS meetings. I had no reason not to continue with daily routine, including caring for my husband and young ones. And I did what I was supposed to do. But I can tell you that for many weeks, no emotions followed my daily duties unless the emotions included tears. I went through the motions with a straight face just trying to survive, which was the best I could do at the time. Bravery.
Back There Again
And today many minutes of every day include a heavy heart for several friends going through extremely difficult circumstances. I think of them so often, longing to take away their pain, wishing we could go back a month when life seemed happy and lovely. The hurt haunts me, bringing tears here and there, and yet I have to be a wife and mother. Amidst the confusion I have a job that requires my attention. Even though I don’t want to think about exciting events, there are family members with approaching birthdays and kids starting another school year. Unfortunately life doesn’t stop when the heart hurts. So I put on my big girl pants and move on with a churning stomach and aching soul. My heart isn’t in my every day tasks, but I do my best. More bravery required.
Bravery takes many forms. Sometimes it is visible and sometimes it isn’t. At times it is easy to find but at other times it hides. Bravery may easily be a choice, but sometimes it is used by default, when it is all a person has left. The next time you have to muster up the courage just to live your normal life, you are not less than acceptable. You are brave.
Curveball- Suddenly Difficult News
